New Year's Eve. The question worth asking your child.

My daughter asked me this New Year's Eve what my plan was for next year. She was nine. She meant it practically: what am I going to do, what projects, what changes. She had recently learned the word 'resolution' from somewhere and was testing it.

I said I didn't have a specific plan. I had intentions — things I wanted to pay more attention to, things I wanted to do less of. She asked what the difference was between a plan and an intention. I said a plan has steps and a timeline. An intention has a direction.

She thought about this. Then: 'Which is better?'

I said it depends on the thing. For some things you need steps. For others you just need to know which way you're facing.

She said: I want to be kinder. Is that a plan or an intention?

I said: that's an intention. And it's a good one. How will you know if it's working?

She thought for a long time. Then: if people tell me things. She said she wanted to be kinder. I asked how she would know if it was working. She said: if people tell me things. In nine minutes, she had articulated a theory of how kindness works and how to measure it. That's the question worth asking your child tonight.